Korean Funeral Etiquette: What Visitors Should Know

A Korean funeral usually lasts three days, and visitors should go on the first or second day. Korea.net's "While in Korea" series, written for foreign residents, adds that a mistake at a funeral is considered far worse than one at a celebration. This guide follows Korea.net and the National Folk Museum of Korea.

1. The three-day funeral

According to Korea.net, a funeral in Korea usually lasts three days. Visitors come to a funeral hall to pay respects to the deceased and comfort the family during that time.

Korea.net's advice on timing:

• Visit on the first or second day.
• The third day is for the family. Early that morning the coffin is carried to the cemetery for the burial or funeral. It is the busiest and most hectic of the three days, and usually only family and close friends of the deceased take part.

Korea.net adds that the funeral hall is usually located within a hospital.

2. What to wear

Korea.net recommends formal black clothing. If you do not have any, dark smart-casual clothing is acceptable, but nothing fancy.

One more detail that catches people out: wear socks. You take your shoes off before entering the funeral hall.

3. Step by step at the funeral hall

Korea.net walks through the visit in order:

1. Sign the guest book at the table by the entrance.
2. Offer incense or a flower. In front of the photo of the deceased you will find chrysanthemums and incense sticks. Light a stick of incense or place a chrysanthemum.
   • To put out the incense flame, wave it, don't blow on it.
   • Place the flower with the bud facing the photo.
3. Bow to the deceased. Perform two prostrations (full bows) in front of the photo. Depending on your religion, you may instead lower your head while standing.
4. Bow to the family. Then do the same, a prostration or a standing bow, toward the deceased's family.

Korea.net also notes that in practice people do this in different ways. Some burn incense, some place a flower, some do both, and some simply bow to the photo. Some guests who hear the news late arrive without dark clothes. What matters most, it says, is sincerity, though knowing and following the customs is best.

4. Condolence money

Just as guests give money at weddings, Korea.net says it is customary to give condolence money at a funeral.

• Put the cash in an envelope.
• Write your name on the back.
• The front traditionally carries 근조 (謹弔), an expression of condolence for a death, or 부의 (賻儀), meaning money or items given to the bereaved family. Korea.net notes you usually do not have to write these yourself, because funeral halls often provide envelopes with the words already printed.

Because the words are printed for you, the only thing you usually need to add is your name.

5. Staying for a meal, and the toast rule

After paying respects, guests usually stay to eat at the funeral hall. Korea.net gives one firm rule for this meal: if you drink alcohol, never make a toast. Toasting is for celebrations only.

6. Why the customs look this way

The National Folk Museum of Korea explains the background. In the Joseon period, sangrye (funeral rites) were shaped by the Confucian value of filial piety, and a three-year mourning period was seen as a child's duty; children would sometimes live in a small hut beside a parent's grave for those three years. Modern ceremonies have changed a great deal. The museum notes that Family Ritual Standards and professional funeral directors are now common, and burial and cremation have become simpler, but the meaning of honoring the deceased continues.

7. Quick checklist for a visitor

• Go on day one or two, not day three.
• Black or dark clothing, and socks.
• Sign the guest book.
• Incense or chrysanthemum: wave out the flame, bud toward the photo.
• Two bows to the deceased (or a standing bow), then a bow to the family.
• Condolence money in an envelope with your name on the back.
• At the meal, no toasting.

8. Key takeaways

• Korean funerals usually last three days; visit on the first or second day.
• Wear formal black or dark clothes and socks, since shoes come off inside.
• Offer incense or a chrysanthemum, bow twice to the deceased (or bow standing), then bow to the family.
• Give condolence money in an envelope with your name on the back; halls often supply pre-printed envelopes.
• Never make a toast at a funeral meal.